Welcome to the 'Ferno

Imagine Dante's Inferno is a musical performed in High Schools around the world. This is one of the opening numbers.

Sung by the Chorus:

You’re frauding with the leopard,

in between fights with lions

You’re flirting with the she-wolf

and you got no savior left

You’re going nowhere fast

You’re going nowhere fast

Old man, indeed.

Up the mountain lies the light

of divine love and bliss,

You dabble in the shadows,

having lost your little wits.

You’re going nowhere fast

You’re going nowhere fast

Old man, indeed.

You need a voice of Reason

Of pure philosophy

You need the V-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-Vergil.

Italian just like you

Got the means to cure your blues

His voice is faint at first

but wait yet for his news.

Vergil (rapping):

Yo, I’m vergil

Ancient master of poetry

Wrote Aenead, Metamorphoses
Have you heard of me?

Once king of the pen

Now just plain dead

Here to guide your carcass

to the fiery depths.
I can show you the door

save your soul today

But Jesus's past my time

Can’t take you all the way

The Chorus sings:

You’re going straight to hell

You’re going straight to hell

Old man, indeed

No need to ask directions.

Just one chance for salvation.

Bet it on the b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-Beatrice.

We got seven bigass circles

For all mankind’s misdeeds

You’ll see them all, middle-aged Dante,

But will you ever leave?

Job's Revenge

Yeah, I hit your car in the parking lot
Going full reverse out of my parking spot
You probably deserved it for that thing you did
Let's keep it ambig'ous, 'cause I don't know it

Don't know who you are
and don't fucking care
You're all chimps on my back
and shit in my hair

Pass a little problem to someone else
Here's a little drama for your own bad self
Pass a little problem to someone else
Things aren't going well, let's share the stress

I'm a good person.
Yeah, I'm a nice guy,
but I'm flipping the bird.
Here's spit in your eye.

What did I do?
You're wondering now
but it's too fucking late
I'm spreading karma around

Pass a little problem to someone else
Here's a little drama for your own bad self
Pass a little problem to someone else
Things aren't getting better, let's share the stress

Bad luck just follows me
and thus follows you
Mis'ry loves company
I'm lovin' you too.

Oooooh. Hooo. Hoo.
Ohhhhhhhhhh Ohhhhhhh
Now now now now

Blame it on a past life
Blame it on sin
Blame it on destiny
This sit'ation we're in

Blame it on a past life
Blame it on sin
Blame it on a holy wager
Sponsored by Him
Sponsored by Him

Equity

Well...
It's your job to be divided easily
(Say what?)
It's your job to fit in neatly
(Huh?)
Come on, come on
You are the product
Move it, little thing,It's time to sell yourself

Say something normal
Wear something crazy.
Be someone different
In a way that's pleasing
Say something normal
Wear something crazy.

Individuals all have their place
Ticky tacky boxes wear a human face

Well...
It's your job to make me want you.
(You do!)
It's your job to help me hire you.
(I will!)
Come on, come on
The world aint getting smaller
Move it, little bother,
'fore I meet your better

Say something normal
Wear something crazy
Live out loud
and think discreetly
Say something normal
Wear something crazy

All your best features are so easy  to hate
Open your mouth and you give them away.

Come one,
come all,
yes ya'll
You all.

Come on
You one
You all,
yes ya'll

Come on
You and
one all
For all

Come on, little chicken,
Come and shake them feathers

Wear something normal
Say something crazy
Who are you now
to speak so bravely?
Wear something normal
Say something crazy

Take off your clothes and show your worst to me.

Well...

Agalya

Well...
Tell me then, sir.
I am nothing but ears.
Speak and be away.
Be admitted and be heard.

To my surprise,
The one I despise.
To my chagrin,
Here again.

We're you not, Are you not
the pure man I once loved?
Did you not, will you not
Honor your past thoughts and words?

To my surprise,
Nothing but lies.
To my chagrin,
Back with her again.

Speak not, move tongue not
I dare not suffer it.
Go or stay, stay but go
You infuriates and tear me up.

To my surprise,
These tear-filled eyes.
To my chagrin,
Just an idiot to begin.

Solipsist

You're only happy when you open your mouth
And so happy at what comes out
There's just so many things you can do
The only godlike person here is you.

Bark! Bark!
Give the seal a fish!
Oh wow! Oh yeah!
You're so good!
You're so good!

Bark! Bark!
Give the seal a fish!
He deserves it!
He's so so cute!
He's so so perfect!

Just yesterday you were upset
Again.
Why don't they understand your intellect?
The world's inside you
We're all fancy figments.
Here for orders
Lest we suffer your wrath.

Bark! Bark!
Give the seal a fish!
Oh wow! Oh wow!
He really earned it..

Bark! Bark!
Give the seal a fish!
Look how much he wants it!
I feel sorry for the little guy.
If only his parents had seen his eyes.

We're all so old
But we never grow up.
Grow up!
We've seen so much
But we never shut up!
Shut up!

No one is staring,

But they are all watching.

No one is listening,

But they can't help hearing.

Bark! Bark!

Give the seal a fish!

It'll keep his trap moving.

Oh wow! That works!

Why didn't we think of that before?

Bark! Bark!

Oh wow!

Pretty seal!

So clever!

Bark! Bark!

No Voice

There you are, sir.
Talk is light.
No truths here to fear.
I abhor your lying face,
And you're putrid, cavalier.
I am waiting for the moment to say what I've wanted to hear.
I've found you out. I've caught you.
I've a few things you can help make clear.

Honesty is guileless
Guileless and caustic
Dishonest in private
So open in public
Honesty is guileless
Guileless and provocative
The words best left unspoken
Are base but so warranted.

What's the good in being right
From such a lowly height?
What good are idle words
With no voice to be heard?

Why so gruff, sir?
Here, what's changed?
Can we not talk as before?
Your civility once admired
Has dashed out the door.
So you'll feign innocence and smart from this salient wound.
What else but your guilt
By this rage can I conclude?

Honesty is guileless
Guileless and tactless
So generous with your serfs
Until you're remanded.
Honesty is guileless
Guileless and thick-headed
I'll die on the cross
To prove you a villain.

What's the good in being right
From such a lowly height?
What good are idle words
With no voice to be heard?
All vain and all loathsome
Childish and unwholesome
Crafty and deceitful
With no one your equal.
I lament that I am stuck with your boorishness.
Let us talk and reconcile. Pride goes down with bitterness.

One mustn't forget...

Honesty is guileless
Guileless and unforgiving
Your dreams will be crushed in a financial prison.
Honesty is guileless
Guileless and maddening
At least you've your health, but nothing for dignity.

What's the good in being right
From such a lowly height?
What good are idle words
With no voice to be heard.

Lil illswag

Up in the club.
Drinks fill my cup.
Had a bit too much.
Now I'm throwing up.

Manager come out
he start a fuss.
My head hurts, asshole
I don't give a flying fuck.

I'm ill. I'm ill.
And if you don't believe.
Look down at the floor
at the chunks of lunch meat.

Got a bad girl.
She's a supermodel.
Always acting rude.
Non-stop swaggirl

Now she lost her job
'cause she's such a showoff
On the runway
she swag on 'till she fall off.

She ill. She ill.
If you don't believe.
Look at all her blood
drip down your shirt sleeve.