The Dream About a Dinner Party

The day lies in empty bottles, apple cores, data on a memory stick.
The volume of the TV is below the hum of the refrigerator and fan.
I plead with the world to shut up tonight because the song in my head is soft and melodious.
A xylophone resounding soft thuds like powder snow.
Last night happened in a dream I had once a long time ago.
Sometimes I'm surprised to see you instead of just knowing you're there.
And I remember it's fun to play with you.
I see how I should be so I can remember when I can't be that way.
I had a dream about a dinner party.
Vivid so like the symptom.
And it feels like one of those dreams that'll come true.
But I am nowhere near that elegant highrise.
I sleep in your bed. After sunset. Before sunrise.
When I wake, I unfriend the one who got away.
In love songs, they make promises they can't keep.
Why is that so important?
I can't force myself to believe more than I can see.
I see you.

There are times I really want to hate you.
For all the good in you I still have so much doubt.
Are your sweet words truths or guidelines?
I feel I want to know whose love this is.

You should know. It's true.
I have never been your gender.
But I'm trying to understand.
Things have been getting better recently.
If our relationship worth its weight then it's worth it to wait.
Let's not aggravate our lack of problems.